I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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