Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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