she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
