Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
