first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
