i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
