There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
