When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
