If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
