mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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