I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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