ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
