I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
