The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
