i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
