I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
