just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
