It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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