the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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