i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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