my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
