hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
