he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
