is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
