was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
