if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
