So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
