i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize