If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
