the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
