Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize