Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
