And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
