chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
