I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
