okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
