I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
