I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
