i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
