Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
