I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
