If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
