Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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