Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
