What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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