New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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