Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
