these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so let's talk penis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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