What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
