I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
high people should be assigned attendants
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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