If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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