fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
In America we eat man semen.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
