Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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