sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
