were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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