Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
