He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
