Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
