yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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