So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
