he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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