It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dick has a subreddit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize